IN THE GARDEN OF PAST AND PRESENT

THE CHALLANGE

Anne and Pete (names changed for privacy) were clients of mine several years ago when I worked with them on architectural services. Although based in New York City, Anne had inherited her family’s house in Germany and wanted to restore it to its former functionality. At the time, I helped them develop a design proposal and handed the project over to a local architect to manage planning submissions and construction.

Five years later, the development remained stuck in the pre-planning phase. The local architect had proposed larger, more complex designs—costlier to build but with potential for higher rental income. Yet Anne and Pete couldn’t make a decision. Financially, they could afford the investment, but emotionally, they were uncertain.

The project loomed so large in their daily lives that it became almost the only thing they discussed. They felt disconnected, not on the same page, and the atmosphere between them was tense.

They reached out to me again—not as their architect this time, but as a psychosynthesis coach—to help them arrive at a decision that felt right for both of them and would allow them to move forward.

THE APPROACH

During our initial chemistry session, I noticed how Anne and Pete tended to adjust to each other when together, holding back their true thoughts to avoid conflict. This dynamic kept conversations at the surface, preventing them from exploring what truly mattered to each of them.

I suggested we begin with individual sessions.

It quickly became clear that they shared similar values and visions for their future—how they wanted to spend their time, energy, and financial resources. Yet the moment the conversation turned to the house, confusion would surface, especially for Anne.

Pete was open and honest about not wanting to invest time, energy, or money into a property he’d never live in. Although willing to support Anne financially, he had no desire to be involved in the development. When he spoke about this, there was a quiet sadness in his voice; the idea of not spending time with his wife, travelling, and enjoying their early retirement weighed heavily on him.

Anne, on the other hand, kept circling around practical questions: finances, future use of the house, spending time there alone or with Pete, her family connections, and, always, the garden. Again and again, she described herself sitting in the garden, reading—a scene from her childhood.

I invited her to explore that memory more deeply.

She spoke mostly about the past, describing herself as a child or young adult. I introduced her to a key concept in psychosynthesis: subpersonalities.

Each of us is made up of different facets—like roles we play in life. We might be a wife, a businesswoman, a gardener, or a mother. These subpersonalities are neither good nor bad; they simply express specific needs and desires that make us who we are. Understanding them can reveal why certain conflicts or patterns emerge.

For Anne, it was clear that the subpersonality of her younger self—the girl who spent every spare moment in the garden, reading and retreating into her own world—was seeking expression in her life today.

Through careful, detailed questioning, I guided Anne through her memories and feelings connected to that younger version of herself. Eventually, she recognised that her attachment to the house stemmed from a sense of obligation to her family of origin—even though no one else lived there or planned to return.

This feeling of duty had been the root of her confusion about the project.

Once she recognised this, Anne felt immense relief. She gained clarity about how she wanted to proceed: to explore development options that were practical and future-proof, while also allowing her to remain connected to her life with Pete.

THE OUTCOME

With Anne’s new awareness, it became much easier for both her and Pete to revisit the project together.

Their visions aligned, and so did their expectations and approach.

A sense of relief settled between them, and communication flowed more easily once again. From a place of calm and clarity, they were finally able to move forward—with a clear plan and a shared vision for the future.