FROM OVERWHELM TO OWNERSHIP: REFRAMING RESPONSIBILITY AT HOME AND BEYOND

The Challenge

Jenifer approached me after months of struggling to organise a small refurbishment in her maisonette flat. She lived there with her son, and as he entered puberty, she wanted to adjust the layout and add another bathroom.

Her son was content with things as they were, but Jenifer was increasingly aware of the limitations. While she was bouncing around ideas for the renovation, a building survey revealed several fire safety issues—one directly connected to the flat beneath hers. Unfortunately, that property’s owner wasn’t interested in addressing the problem, as he barely spent any time there.

Understandably, Jenifer was concerned about both her property and the safety of the building, yet her hands were tied. To complicate matters, her neighbours wanted to sell their flat and, as directors of the building management company, pressured Jenifer to sign a confirmation letter overlooking the survey findings.

The Approach

Jenifer was stuck in what she described as “a mush” and didn’t know where to begin.

We started by clarifying responsibilities—hers, her neighbours’, and the management company’s. It became clear that Jenifer was carrying far more responsibility than her role required, and more than her available time and energy allowed.

Another layer soon emerged: her relationship with her sisters. One of them frequently offered unsolicited advice. Although Jenifer admitted some of the advice made sense, instead of motivating her, it left her feeling numb and overwhelmed—another kind of “mush.”

So, we expanded our work to explore responsibilities and boundaries within her family relationships as well. Through this, Jenifer realised that while she had been focused on her roles as a mother, sister, and neighbour, she was neglecting herself. Prioritising her own needs felt uncomfortable. To support her, I gave her small pieces of “homework” after each session—simple things she enjoyed, like having a glass of wine in the evening or going for a long walk.

Halfway through our sessions, Jenifer began to regain her motivation. She started browsing bathroom designs and visiting showrooms, but soon her spark dimmed again as unresolved fire safety issues pulled her back into procrastination.

She often justified her neighbours’ reluctance and her sister’s intrusions, showing great empathy. But despite understanding their behaviour, she wasn’t taking meaningful action toward her own goals. By our fifth session, I gently confronted her with this observation: there was a gap between her words and her actions.

Together, we unpacked this misalignment. Jenifer realised that although she felt responsible for everyone and everything, she had been leaving responsibility for herself—her life, her home, her son—up to others. And because their advice didn’t align with her own values or standards, she ended up paralysed.

This realisation was a major breakthrough. Once she saw how this pattern was holding her back across many areas of her life, she found the strength to step forward and take ownership.

The Outcome

From this point, things began to flow more smoothly.

Jenifer gained clarity on the fire safety situation and her role as both a property owner and director of the management company. She sought legal advice to determine the best course of action.

In her family life, she established healthy boundaries with her sister and created more space for herself. With her son, she recognised his growing maturity and kindness, and understood that while he no longer needed her constant support, he did need her to be fully present when he did turn to her.

By stepping back and making space for herself, Jenifer was able to provide that presence—and to reconnect with her own creativity. With renewed inspiration and motivation, she moved ahead with her home renovation, no longer seeing the flat as just a shelter, but as their home: a place of memories, connection, calm, and daily joy.

When we completed our work together, Jenifer felt emotionally and creatively equipped for the next steps—not only in her home improvement project but also in her life.